Most men try to get what they want by focusing on "Do" (taking action) and "Have" (the outcome). This often fails because they skip the most critical first step: "Be" (your identity).
This framework explains why starting with your "Being State" is the only way to create lasting satisfaction and success. If you're stuck in a loop of "doing" without "having," this is the shift you need to make.
There are three steps in creating a vision:
Most men skip over the "Being" state and go straight for the "Do" or "Have."
They are so mesmerized by the idea of something that the focus becomes the taking action (do) and the having of the object — be it a car, lots of money, a partner, or muscles.
None of these are good or bad. It's where it's coming from that is the real clincher.
The men I coach say things like: "If I was funnier, if I had money, if I had a better job, no one wants to date a guy like me." Or, "I would have such a better life if I had $10k more in my bank account, or if I had a partner, or if I had a better car."
These are all "Do and Have" statements.
If the focus is on the "Do" and "Have," getting there isn't going to bring the satisfaction you think it will. I've been there so many times I lost count. Every time I went for something and it was about how I would feel once I had it, or what that meant about my social status — it was already set for failure.
When the focus is on the "Be" — your identity — it's about who you are at the core. You are this. Nothing can shake it. This is the trunk of the tree. This is the bedrock of your foundation.
If you're currently living your life stressed, anxious, feeling unworthy, or feeling disappointed that nothing is going right — you can see why your "doing" and "having" might not be hitting the mark. You may still feel lost or empty even though you do and have a lot in your life.
This is just what you've been practicing. It's a habit you've gotten into. It just takes time and a commitment to making the shift.
It has taken me 25 years of personal growth to get to a place where I feel proud, confident, at ease, and at peace in my body. I trust life more than ever before. This doesn't come overnight. It comes with daily practice.
Here is your homework for next week.
Start by picking five words that you want to embody or live into. You can come up with 5 of your own that are empowering, or start with this list:
Once you have your top 5, write out each word and notice the thoughts and feelings that come up in your body when you read them.
Then, close your eyes and tune into one word at a time. Say it in your mind's eye and just allow the word to resonate in your body. You may not feel anything at first, or you may have a lot of thoughts. Just repeat the word and sit with it. Do this 4 times with each word.
Start to notice what comes up throughout the week as you work with these new "Being" words.
A man who is grateful, reliable, present, purposeful, and grounded will have a very different outcome in his life than one who is stressed, anxious, and feeling unworthy.
When a man who has cultivated this "Being State" attains the "Do" and "Have," he will enjoy it. He will know how to actually appreciate it.
You can see how the way you go about "doing" and "having" can shift so much.Being reorders Doing and Having so that what you build lasts.
For most of my life, I've been in such a rush — to create something, to get somewhere, to fix something, to be someone.
What is it about this idea of getting somewhere? Yes, we have wants and desires. This is our nature. But I don't believe our nature is to rush and force things to happen.
I believe all things have their timing. You get there when you get there. No amount of force will make it happen faster. Even if you do get there with force, it will fall apart. It won't last.
What endures takes daily, consistent time and attention. Focus on your "Being," and the rest will follow.
Q: Isn't this just "fake it till you make it"?A: No. "Fake it 'til you make it" is about projecting an image. This is about "Being," which is an internal shift. It's not about pretending to be confident; it's about doing the inner work to embody confidence. It's about your core identity, not a fake one.
Q: How long does this take? I've been trying to change for a while.A: There is no magic pill, and this won't come overnight. This is a practice. The goal isn't to be "done" in a week. The goal is to practice daily. You are undoing years of habit. As I said, it's taken me 25 years to get to this place. Be patient and focus on the daily practice, not the "when."
Q: What if I don't feel anything when I do the 5-word exercise?A: That's completely normal. You may not feel anything at first, or you may just have a lot of thoughts. The practice isn't to "feel" something magical. The practice is just to sit with the word. "Just repeat the word and sit with it." The consistency of the practice is what creates the shift, not a single powerful session.
Good luck on this. If you feel called to share your insights with me, I would love to hear them. Email Me
And if this resonates, step into a community where we practice this work together.
