What is vulnerability in the body? Vulnerability is neither a weakness nor a strength; it is a neutral, physical sensation that arises when you are about to share something authentic. By tuning into this felt sense in your body rather than the mental story of fear or shame, you can connect with others on a much deeper, emotional level.
This article explores how to stop intellectualizing vulnerability, how to recognize it as a physical sensation, and how to communicate your true emotional state beyond just words.
What is vulnerability? What does vulnerability mean mentally, and what does it mean in the body?
In today's society, a lot of times we label vulnerability as something weak, the idea that if you're vulnerable, then you're showing your weakness.
But what if there's another way to look at or define vulnerability? We've had lots of people talk about vulnerability, especially Brené Brown, who has done an amazing job of expressing what it truly means to put ourselves out there in front of another person and share ourselves.
But I want to explore what vulnerability actually feels like in the body.
Take 15 to 20 seconds to feel what vulnerability feels like in your body. Not mentally, but when you think or say "vulnerability," what does your body feel like in association to that word?
The way that I see it when I feel it in my body is I think of it as like a triangle.
To me, vulnerability is neither strength nor weakness. It's in and of itself its own category. Whenever I've tuned into a moment of something arising in me and I want to express it, that sensation of feeling like I'm about to share something, that, to me, is vulnerability.
What happens is the moment we feel that sensation arise about something that we potentially want to express to another, we all of a sudden go into the story or the other sensations.
Whenever I want to express myself, the moment that sensation arises I start to associate it with fear, anxiety, shame, or guilt. We make associations that the part of us we want to express is afraid to be seen or heard.
If we were to really honor that feeling that comes up, and if you are in an environment where you feel safe and accepted, when you express that vulnerability, the whole room feels your share.
This has happened many times in men's groups. I can remember one time a guy was quite charged about a situation, yet he wasn't expressing his feeling; he was expressing the stories or the thoughts around what he was feeling.
I asked him, "What would that feel like if you expressed yourself? What's the feeling underneath that?"
What he said was "injustice," and the whole group all of a sudden went "Oh yeah." We all felt it, and we all could connect to his emotional expression.
A lot of times when someone says, "Oh I have a vulnerable share," their share is coming from their head, it's the words that they're expressing. We are thinking, being people, but what if it was all of our body, not just our cognitive body? Can we connect to our body while we are in connection with another person?
What if our words were not the only thing being communicated? Studies have shown that our words are like 20 or 30%, and the rest is body language and facial expressions.
What if underneath all that, it's the sensations that we're feeling and transmitting to another person? How many times have you picked up that someone isn't being truthful? You're not picking up on the words; you're tuning into the bodily sensation, energetics, or beingness that they are transmitting to you beyond the words.
Vulnerability is not just having something to share that's tender, shameful, or sticky. What if vulnerability is neutral? What if just tuning into your emotional state is vulnerable?
If I am tuned into my emotional body as I'm hearing someone, I am picking up the emotional expression of what they're saying. I can be more empathetic, and I can feel more of what they're saying because it's not just the words, it's the emotional state, which is in my opinion so much more powerful than the words.
Here is how you practice this encapsulated:
Allow what is felt and embodied to be expressed and voiced.
Q: Is vulnerability a strength or a weakness?A: It is neither. As described in the "Triangle of Vulnerability," it exists in its own unique category. It is simply the physical sensation of being open, authentic, and ready to share a part of yourself.
Q: How do I know if I am being vulnerable or just oversharing?A: Oversharing usually comes from the head (the story) and often carries a hidden desire for the other person to fix you, validate you, or carry your emotional weight. True vulnerability comes from the body (the felt sensation) and is simply an honest expression of your current emotional state without attachment to how the other person reacts.
Q: Why do I feel physical anxiety when trying to be vulnerable?A: Because we are conditioned to attach mental stories (fear of rejection, shame, guilt) to the neutral physical sensation of vulnerability. When you learn to separate the raw, physical sensation from the mental story you are telling yourself, the anxiety often dissipates.
If you want to practice moving out of your head and into your body, come join the Inner Edge Mens Community. We practice this exact work every single week.
